Try to reflect on the reoccurring arguments that you’re having with your boyfriend.
Firstly, what are the arguments about?
Is it always about the same thing or do you argue over many different things?
Have you always had a tendency to argue with each other or did something happen that caused you both to be more irritable lately?
Who usually initiate the arguments? Who usually put a stop to them? Who is the first to apologize?
If it’s mostly you who’s apologizing or trying to reason with your boyfriend I would suggest that the next time you fight, bring your arguments to the table, explain why you are upset with him. Don’t accuse him, that will just make him feel attacked, but make him sit down and listen. And then tell him how you feel during an arguments, why and when you feel that way, and what you believe would be the solution/s. You are just responsible for yourself. If you both want the relationship to last, you both have to be able to compromise and meet each other half way. But don’t always be the first to apologize if you’re both upholding the fight between you. Sometimes your boyfriend should be the one to make peace if he cares enough about the two of your and your relationship. You shouldn’t have to feel exhausted after apologizing and your boyfriend isn’t helping by saying that your effort isn’t enough. Make him tell you what he wants from you? And then ask him in what way he’s willing to do better in the future.
I would also like to stress that it isn’t enough to say you’re sorry after a fight if you keep apologizing but don’t try to actually change for the better. And that goes for the both of you. Make the effort of actually owning up to your mistakes by not repeating them over and over again.
Also, if you are having panic attacks because of the arguments I would recommend go see a therapist by yourself and talk about what you’re going through. And I also think that you might consider to go to couple’s therapy if you really want the relationship to be healthy and working.
If your boyfriend isn’t willing to do his part so you can grow together and be better for each other maybe he’s taking you for granted, and that’s when you should actually try to distance yourself from him so he’ll realize what he might lose one day if he keeps saying that you’re not enough.
