I feel deeply pain like my heart is freezing…

[Azure Ledody]

Like I’m crying out for help but no one recognize it…
I’m so tired and I feel that I’m not good enough to anyone to my kid to my partner … That I can’t take good care of them…
I know that I’m not an ‘easy task’ I’m complicated and sometimes my flaws just ower flowing … And making mistakes but I don’t mean them…
I feel like I’m losing everything and don’t even understand why it’s happening with me.
Sometimes I feel so lonely and alone even though I’m married… Even though I really love my partner and my child. But lately I feel that it’s better to everyone if I die …
I feel that I just can’t match upp with my partners needs or my child’s needs simply I can’t fulfill them…
Every day I’m trying to give my best I smile and talk nice… but there is all the time something that ” I mess up” (like my partner say : that you can’t do anything on the good way and you always fight on small things)
Like I said that I know I’m not the most perfect person but I love truly …
But lately I feel empty and sad I feel that it doesn’t matter how much effort I put in anything there is always my flaws and imperfections gonna count … Not the time I give to people not my loyalty not my honestly Or my love…
I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m childish and stupid that I talk about my feelings but I need someone to listen to me…
I really don’t feel that I ever can love someone else or have a good life in the future…
I don’t think I can make happy anyone and I don’t think there is anyone who can really love me and accept me who I am.
I changed a lot during my lifetime because I wanted to please people and show them that I’m good enough I can do it …
But now I don’t know anymore I completely lost … And I can’t see the path…

(Förlåt att jag skriver på engelska men jag mår lite bättre av det)

Stor kram till dig <3 Det låter som att du gör ditt absolut yttersta för att andra ska bli nöjda och så pekas det istället ut sådant som andra är missnöjda med? Inte konstigt att det skapar känslor av tomhet och nedstämdhet. Att du tappar motivationen och får känslor av att det är omöjligt att uppfylla din partners och barns behov. Kan det vara så att det är din partner här som på något sätt har fastnat i något mönster av att vara felletare och att det här egentligen handlar mer om orimliga krav som du ställs inför? Om man ska samarbeta är det viktigt att man uppmuntrar varandra och skapar en dynamik/miljö där man stärker varandra? <3

[Azure Ledody]

Maybe… I don’t know anymore nothing I feel I just can’t take it… That it’s over… And I got to the point where I feel just pain….

<3 Sorry to hear. Sometimes we come to a point were we also just need a break I think? Most of the time maybe just love and understanding? No more pressure to “be something” or “do something”? It sounds like you are at that stage now? If you could wish, what do you want and need now?

[Azure Ledody]

The only thing that I want is understanding and love. I wish my partner could understand really and deeply what I’m going through… I was there and I’m here with my partner now. During a lot of downhills we are together I supported and tried to help my partner all the time of course sometimes I messed up things but even that my feelings doesn’t changed. But lately I feel my partner just ignoring me in some way (if there is any misunderstanding that should be cleared) instead of communication. …
So I wish I could do things maybe better. But that is me I’m not flawless. I’m just only a human…