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I changed my mind abt having a baby when I got diagnosed

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  • I got diagnosed about a month ago with bipolar 2, borderline and c-ptsd.

    My partner and I were going to have a kid together, fertility appointments start next week.

    Now that I have my diagnosis, I have changed my mind completely. The kid isn’t at rick per se because my partner would be carrying the baby (same sex couple).

    I feel like I want to focus on myself and try to get the last 20 years of myself which have been absolute shambles. I have so much work to do on myself, I don’t want to have to be responsible and care for an other human. I don’t want the kid to have a bipolar parent. No one should go through that if it can be helped.

    Some kinds words would be nice. My partner is devastated and I have been in total panic for a week. I feel very guilty.


    Im so sorry to hear you go through this. My friend since childhood lived with a bipolar parent. But the mother didnt treat it. She was using drugs instead and that was the thing affecting the kids worst.

    Have you talked about waiting and see how you react on correct treatment?

    I really believe you can have a kid if you feel like you can control it. It will take a lot of work and making a lot of plans on how to handle the bad periods.

    But i also think that kids deserve to be born with both parents 100% agreed.

    How does your partner handle the diagnoses?

    Whatever you do. It should be for you. And not going for kids now doesnt mean it never can happen.


    Thank you for your reply 🙂

    i actually have three kids from a previous relationship and I think I have managed ok. I’ve always tried to better myself and make sure they were safe and happy. I haven’t been drinking or taking drugs and I had therapy for many many years.

    Waiting isn’t really an option. My partner is 32 and she doesn’t want to leave till later because of pregnancy risks associated with older mothers. So it’s kinda now or never.

    My partner handles the diagnosis really well. She’s a doctor and has kinda got used to me being all over the place. She understands when I’m down in a hole and tries to slow me down a bit when I’m high.
    She says she’s happy to take on more with the baby, work 50% after the first year and adapt things as I need. She’s a very stable and happy person. Had lots of support from friends and family.

    if I listen to myself, I want to focus on myself after spending years prioritising other people. On the other hand, my partner has been supporting me every single day since we got together, she helped me through so much, she has done so much for me and has never, ever asked me to do anything for her. Literally. This is the only thing she has ever asked for.

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