I hurt myself yesterday
I am scared of my mother-in-law. She is local and a good person for most people. But for me , she couldn’t help of criticising me to “protect” her son for very small things. Those experience accumulated for years. And now when I have to go to her place , my heart starts to beat fast and I am scared. I try to not stay in her place. But when it’s Christmas, there is really no choice . Yesterday, I hurt myself in her apartment,not in front of her. When my husband forced me to have some quick-acting medicine on my flu , so that I could get out of bed and join their Christmas activity.I hit my head repeatedly on a wooden chair’s corner. And there was a lot blood. I really feel that I couldn’t escape from this life. My husband may understand my situation. But he doesn’t help me much. He is very controlling as well. If I don’t answer, he would call my name many times and threaten to call ambulance if I don’t reply him. Her mother did the similar thing yesterday. I was very annoyed by her comments and holding my head tightly. So she just repeated call my name on the table when other people are away , forcing me to answer her. I am not Swedish and being alone here in Sweden. During this long covid time, I couldn’t easily go back to my country. My mother-in-law used to say I have mental problem, which I didn’t. But now after the incident yesterday, I kept thinking of suicide and I probably have some mental problem now. How could a normal person hurt herself so badly …I don’t know how to continue this kind of life. If I divorce , I will lose my son. If I don’t , this life is becoming more and more unbearable. I don’t know if I am still a normal person . Sometimes I stand in supermarket for a long time and just lost in negative thoughts…
Your situation sounds very though. I think that you shouldnt be with your mother in law when you are in this state. You need to focus on yourself and do not blame yourself for what others think. I believe that you always do what you think is best at the moment.
I suggest that you should get some professional help, and talk to someone outside of your family. It may feel scary but I can promise that it will make you feel better.
Reach out, ask for help. And focus on you and your son. Focus and put your energy into things that makes you feel better and matters to you. When you feel better, and you will, you can find the strenght to manage even the hardest situation.
Please, do not hurt yourself. It will get better!